What my mother doesn't know
by Princess-shay
Summary: A story about Kari, all in Kari's point of veiw. Some KarixMatt, mostly Karix? rated just to be safe, chapters are short so there'll be a lot posted a day. All seasons.
1. NICKNAMES

Crossover of Digimon and the book what my mother doesn't know. I don't own either of them.

NICKNAMES

Most people just call me Kari

(Which is the name

on my birth certificate),

or Kar,

or sometimes Kai.

Davis and Cody think it's cute

to call me Couch,

as in:

"How're your cushions doing today, Couch?"

My parents usually call me

K-kari or Kaka.

and Sora and Mimi call me Riri,

or soemtimes just Re.

But Matt calls me Kitten.

He says it's because of my eyes.

I love the way his voice sounds

when he says it.

Kitten.

I like whispering it to myself.

_His _name for me.

_Kitten _

It's like the secret password

to my heart.


	2. SIXTH SENSE

Disclaimer: see first chapter

SIXTH SENSE

Sometimes I just know things.

Like when J.P. asked me to go on that walk

down by the reservoir last year

on the last day of eighth grade.

I knew he was going to say

he wanted to break up with me

and I knew my heart

would shatter

when he did.

I just know things.

I can feel them coming.

Like a couple of weeks ago

when I went to the Labor Day party at Cody's.

Something perfect was going to happen.

I just knew it.

That was the night I met Matt.


	3. HOW IT HAPPENED

Disclaimer: see first chapter

HOW IT HAPPENED

After Cody's party,

Sora's big sister

came to drive a bunch of us home,

with her friend

and her friend's younger brother.

I was the last one to get in the car

and it turned out

all the other laps were taken,

so I had to sit on,

Sora's sister's friend's brother's lap.

It was

Matt's lap,

but even though he goes to my school

I's never seen him before.

And he had such pretty blue eyes

that I felt like I'd been zapped

smack into the middle

of some R-rated movie

and everyone in the car

was just going to fade away

and this guy and I

were going to start making out,

right then and there,

without ever having said

one word to each other.

But what really happened

was that he blushed and said,

"Hi. I'm Matt."

And I blushed and said,

"I'm Kari."

And he said, "Nice name".

And I said, "Thanks."

After that we didn't say anything else

but our bodies seemed to be

carrying on a conversation of thier own,

leaning together

into every curve of the road,

sharing skin secrets.

And just before we got to my house,

I thought I felt him

give my waist an almost squeeze.

Then the car rolled to a stop

and I climbed out

with my whole body buzzing.

I said goodnight,

headed up the front walk,

and when I heard the car pulling away,

I looked back over my shoulder

and saw Matt looking over _his _shoulder

at me.

When our eyes connected,

this miracle smile lit up his face

and I practically had

a religious experience.

Then I went upstairs to bed

and tried to fall asleep,

but I felt permanently wide awake.

And I kept on seeing that smile of his

and feeling that almost squeeze.


	4. DISTRACTED IN MATH CLASS

Disclaimer: see first chapter

DISTRACTED IN MATH CLASS

All I have to do

is close my eyes

and I can feel his lips,

the way they felt

that very first time.

I can feel the heat of them,

parting just slightly,

brushing across my cheek,

moving closer

and closer still

to my mouth,

till I can hardly breathe,

hardly bare to wait

for them to press onto mine.

All I have to do

is close my eyes.


	5. BETTWEEN CLASSES WITH MATT

Disclaimer: see first chapter

BETWEEN CLASSES WITH MATT

We fall into step

in the crowded hall

without even glancing

at each other.

but his little finger

finds mine,

hooking us

together,

and all the clatter

of the corridor fades away

till the only sound I can hear

is the whispering of our fingers


	6. IN THE CAFETERIA

Disclaimer: see first chapter

IN THE CAFETERIA

Sitting alone

with Matt.

Eating my sandwich,

but not

tasting it.

I'm only aware of

the sparks in his eyes,

the sun in his hair

and the spot where his knee's

touching mine.

Then, over his shoulder,

I see Sora and Mimi waving at me,

grinning like pumpkins,

holding up this little sign

with "Remember us?" written on it.


	7. IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM

Disclaimer: see first chapter

IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM

"Is he a good kisser?"

Sora asks.

"Unbelievable," I say.

And it's true.

Matt's kisses

seem like something

much _better_ than kissing.

It's like

I can feel them

with my whole body.

That never used to happen

when J.P. kissed me.

And he's the only other boy

I've ever made out with.

"Has he tried to get to second base?"

Mimi wants to know.

But the bell rings just in time.


	8. IT'S BEEN SORA, MIMI, AND ME EVER SINCE

Disclaimer: see first chapter

IT'S BEEN SORA, MIMI, AND ME EVER SINCE

That September afternoon,

when third grade had barely begun

and we were just getting

to know each other,

we skipped through

the first fallen leaves,

weaving our way through

the quiet neighborhood

to Sage Market for Haagen-Dazs bars.

That September afternoon,

when we saw the four older girls

pedaling towards us,

we didn't expect them to stop

or to leap off their bikes

and suddenly surround us.

But they did.

And we had no idea that the biggest one,

Mary Beth Butler,

who had these glinting slits for eyes,

would ask Sora

what church she belonged to.

That september afternoon,

after Sora mumbled, "Saint James's"

we didn't know that Mary Beth

would ask Mimi the same question,

or that Mimi would squeak out,

"North-Prospect.

And it's none of your business."

But she did.

And when Mary Beth asked _me _the question

and I said I didn't go to church

because I was Jewish,

I didn't think she'd start shouting

at Sora and Mimi,

"Don't you know you aren't supposed

to play with anyone

who doesn't go to church?"

while her friends glared

and tightened their circle around us.

That September afternoon,

when Sora kicked Mary Beth in the shin

and the three of us

crashed through the cage of bikes,

racing off together

across the nearest lawn,

scrambling through the hedge

and into the alley,

not stopping till we

were locked safely behind

the heavy oak of Sora's front door,

we didn't know that we'd just become

best friends.

But we had.


	9. WHY I DON'T MIND BEING AN ONLY CHILD

Disclaimer: see first chapter

WHY I DON'T MIND BEING AN ONLY CHILD

In fourth grade,

when Sora had to put her dog to sleep,

we had a funeral for him

like the one Mimi had seen

in Chinatown San Francisco.

We marched down the middle of Meadow Way,

Sora holding a photo of Waggy,

Mimi pounding solemnly on her snare drum,

me blasting out "The Dead Dog Blues"

on my clarinet.

In sixth grade,

when Mimi's parents got divorced

during spring break,

we had a sleepover

that lasted three nights.

We painted Mimi's nails Revenge Red,

covered her with henna tattoos,

watched a _Saved by the Bell _marathon,

and obliterated six pounds

of Oreo cookies.

Last June, when J.P. dumped me

for that awful Yoli,

Sora and Mimi

helped me make a voodoo doll

that looked almost as stupid as him.

We poked it with a hundred pins

and wrote him a letter

which included all the swear words

we had ever heard,

as well as a few that we just made up.

But we didn't mail it.

We burned it in the fireplace instead,

along with the voodoo doll.

Then they dragged me off

to see a movie.


	10. WATCHING KENNY DURING ART CLASS

Disclaimer: see first chapter

I'm not telling who Kenny is. I want it to be a surprise. That said it's not Ken, that would be way to easy.

WATCHING KENNY DURING ART CLASS

He is so homely,

so downright ugly

that none of the girls

even think about him.

He's too lowly,

too pitiful

to even bother

making fun of.

So something must be

very wrong with me,

because I want to kiss him.

I want to kiss him real bad,

even though he won't look you in the eye

and he seems to scared.

even though his hair's a mess

and he looks sorta sick.

I want to kiss him anyway

those circles under his eyes

that make him look like

he's never slept a second in his life.

And those arms of his

seem like they're aching

to hold on to someone.

I wish I could let them hold on to me.

When no one was looking,

I'd walk up tp him

and say, "Hey Ken.

Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

And he'd look hurt

because he'd think I was joking

and he'd turn away

to hide his face,

but I'd touch his shoulder and

look at him with gentle misty moive eyes

and say, "Come on. I mean it.

I really want to."

And he'd look dumbstruck,

and all the gray

would fade out of his eyes

and this light would come into them

and his lips would look like

they were getting ready to smile and then,

before I had a chance to change my mind,

I'd kiss him.

And he'd wrap his skinniness around me

and his arms would be shaking,

and suddenly I'd feel all this love,

all this need pouring into me

right through his lips

into me

and it would feel great,

and I'd close my eyes to feel it better.

(Whoa.

I can't believe

I'm having this fantasy about Kenny,

when I'm so totally in love with Matt!)


	11. DURING HISTORY CLASS

Disclaimer: see first chapter

DURING HISTORY CLASS

How can I study

when my blood is pumping so loud

that I can't hear my own thoughts?

How can I read

when all the words

keep swirling around the page?

How can I concentrate

on Ancient Babylonia

when Matt's note is burning in my pocket?


	12. HIS NOTE

Disclaimer: see first chapter

HIS NOTE

I stand by my locker

waiting.

till the hall

is practically empty.

Then I slip his note

out of my pocket,

carefully unfold each crease,

and read:

"You are the coolest girl

in the world.

(And probably even on Mars, too.)

Meet me near the hole in the fence

after school."

I fold it back up,

press it to my heart,

then slip it into my pocket

and sprint to French class.

I'll be late,

but it was

_tres_

worth it.


	13. OPERATION ALONE AT LAST

Disclaimer: see first chapter

OPERATION "ALONE AT LAST"

I'm standing

near the children

watching them swarm

over the jungle gym,

remembering vaguely

what it was like to be six.

I'm stealing a glance at Matt

as he ducks through the hole

in the chainlink fence

and disappears

into the sheltering darkness

of the woods.

I'm waiting,

just as we planned,

for my slow motion watch to tick off

three

full

minutes.

I'm sidling over

and sneaking through the same hole

into the shadows,

into the warm flanneled arms

of my partner

in delicious crime.


	14. EVERY DAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL

Disclaimer: see first chapter

EVERY DAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL

I find televisions on in the living room,

the family room,

the kitchen,

and each of the bedrooms.

There's even a little teensy one on

in the bathroom.

My mother says

it's so she won't miss anything

when she's going around sweeping

and dusting and putting away laundry

and emptying out wastebaskets

and cooking.

Which is waht she does all day long.

Except for when she's lying in bed

watching television.

That's where she is

every afternoon

when I get home from school.

She glances up and says hello,

then goes back to watching.

I walk from room to room

switching off all the other sets,

wishing she would show

half as much interest in my life

as she does in Luke and Laura's


	15. HER SOAPS

Disclaimer: see first chapter

HER SOAPS

My mother says

they keep her company

But it's just the opposite for me.

Listening to that music

that swells in the background

whenever someone announces they're pregnant

or dies of a drug overdose

or maybe finds out

thier husband is having an affair

with thier best friend's

stepsister's daughter-in-law,

makes me feel lonelier

than when I was little

and my mother used to

make me wait for her in the car

while she did her errands.

I used to be so scared

that the car would roll away.

So scared that my mother

would never come back.

Sometimes,

when she's watching her soaps,

it feels like she never did.


	16. MAYBE DAD LOVES ME

Disclaimer: see first chapter

MAYBE DAD LOVES ME

But it's sure hard to tell,

I don't think he's ever

kissed me or hugged me

in his life.

Sometimes _I_ hug _him_

but he doesn't hug me back.

His body just goes all stiff,

almost like he's scared of being touched.

Sometimes he jokes around

by putting his palms on my cheeks

and then leaning in

and kissing the back of each of his hands.

When I was real little,

he used to hold his long arm out straight

and put his hand

on my forehead.

Then he'd challenge me

to try to reach his body

with my short arms.

And of course I never could.

He seemed to think this was a riot

and I used to laugh right along with him,

but secretly I wished

he'd cut out the stupid game and hold me.

Dad's not that way though.

Even before they started fighting,

I never saw him touch Mom.

Not even to hold her hand.

I guess he's just not

the affectionate type.

And come to think of it,

neither are his parents.

Maybe it's hereditary or something.

I sure hope _I'm _not going to be like that.

But judging from how hard it is

for me to keep my hands off Matt,

I seriously doubt it.


	17. DURING LUNCH

Disclaimer: see first chapter

DURING LUNCH

We're

searching the campus,

hand guled to hand,

hip guled to hip,

looking for a place

behind every hedge,

for just one small

and private spot

where we

can be alone

long enough

to do the serious kissing

that we absolutely

can't live without

for one more

minute.


	18. ART CLASS

Disclaimer: see first chapter

ART CLASS

Mr. Schultz

has us buliding

found-art sculptures

with all this trash we gathered

from under the bleachers

next to the football field

and I'm so into it

that untill the bell rings

I don't notice

that I haven't

thought about Matt once

for the entire forty-eight minutes.

I think I just set

my new world recored.


	19. SECRET SHELF

Disclaimer: see first chapter

SECRET SHELF

I'm rifling through the dust and jumble

of my parents' walk-in closet,

searching for the perfect belt

to wear with my new blue skirt,

when I happen to glance up

and see a small shelf

above the door

crammed with paperback books.

Strange to think that

I've been in this closet

hundreds of times before

and never once noticed it till now.

I pull over the chair

from my mother's dressing table,

climb up to take a closer look,

and just about to faint:

here are some of

the dirtiest books

I've ever seen

in my life

I try to picture

my mother and father

sitting around reading them,

but it's just too gross

and I suddenly realize

that I'll never be able

to think of my parents

in quite the same way as I used to

and that every time they go out

and leave me alone in the house,

I'll be racing right back up here

to grab another one off the shelf.


	20. MOM AND DAD USED TO BE IN LOVE

Disclaimer: see first chapter

MOM AND DAD USED TO BE IN LOVE

Way back in the beginning anyhow.

I know because I can see it in their eyes

when I watched the old home videos

of when I was a baby.

They were really in love,

like people in the movies.

But now they have

these hideouse battles all the time.

They scream thier guts out

at each other about things like

how they should be raising me

or about money or the in-laws

or even just what movie to go see.

Thier shrieking whips around inside me

like a tornado.

And no fingers crammed in my ears,

no pillows held over my head,

can block it out.

It makes me want to throw on my coat

and rush over to Sora's

or to Mimi's

But I can't bring myself

to set foot outside.

What would I do if

I ran into the neighbors?

A neighbor who's heard

every

single

foul-mouthed word?


	21. I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM WITH CRYING

Disclaimer: see first chapter

I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM WITH CRYING

Once I start,

I can't stop.

And waht makes it so awful is

that I cry any longer

than five minutes

(which of course I always do)

my eyes swell up like a boxer's

for at least twenty-four hours.

I've tried ice packs.

I've tried the cold cucumber cure.

I've even tried raw steak.

But nothing works

Ever.

So when I've been crying,

I pray for sunshine

because if it's cloudy out

everyone keeps asking me

why I'm wearing my sunglasses,

and I get so embarrassed

that I start to cry,

and once I start,

I can't stop.


	22. DINNER DOWNER

Disclaimer: see first chapter

DINNER DOWNER

Seems like Dad's been going

on more and more business trips lately.

And when he's not out of town,

he's at his office twelve hours a day.

But once in a while

he makes it home by six

and the three of us have dinner together,

almost like a regular functional family.

We sit down at the kitchen table,

Dad flicks on the TV,

and we watch the evening news

while we eat.

Sometimes

I wish

I could just

switch it off,

so we could actually make

dinner conversation,

like they do over at Sora's house,

and at Mimi's.

Every now and then,

during the commercials

Dad will say something like,

"How was scholl today?"

Once I said, "We played strip poker

during third period and I lost."

Dad just said, "That's nice."

without even looking up from his meatloaf.

Lately, I've been trying

to concentrate on Matt during dinner.

On imagining we're at Miss Mae's Diner.

Just the two of us.

It helps a little.


	23. AT MISS MAES DINER

Disclaimer: see first chapter

AT MISS MAE'S DINER

tucked in the corner

of our favorite booth

next to each other

instead of across

I'm trying hard to focus

on reading the menu

but his hand has slipped

under the tablecloth

and his fingers

are stroking my knee


	24. MATT AND I BUMP INTO HIS OLD GIRLFRIEND

Disclaimer: see first chapter

MATT AND I BUMP INTO HIS OLD GIRLFRIEND AT THE MALL

She's

batting her lashes at him,

touching his arm,

and saying how great he looks.

He's

blushing and

flashing her these intimate grins,

as if seeing her

is bringing back all these

secret fond memories.

And I'm

just standing here

with this paralyzed smile on my face,

wishing I could grab his hand

and make a dash for the elevator.


	25. BY COMPARISON

Disclaimer: see first chapter

BY COMPARISON

Watching Matt

with his old girlfriend Jerri

makes me feel

like I'm some sort of

Amazonian freak of nature,

like I'm the World Trade Center

of teenage girls.

I bet whenever they went to the beach

he used to pick her up

and throw her in the water.

I bet if he tried to pick _me_ up

his knees would buckle.

Not that I'm fat.

It's just that I'm tall

and there's so darn _much_ of me.

I'm thinking

Matt should be with someone

more like Jerri,

someone petite

and infinitely perky.

I'm wondering what he's doing

with huge old,

terminally sluggy me.

But when she finally wiggles away,

Matt turns to me and says,

"Man, I forgot how tiny she was.

How could I ever have gone out

with someone who looks like

she could be my baby sister?"

Wow.

He always says

just

the right thing.

How does he do that?

I'm the luckiest

fifty-foot woman alive.


	26. IN ENGLISH CLASS

Disclaimer: see first chapter

IN ENGLISH CLASS

If Mrs. Livingston glances up

from the stack of essays she's slashing

with her famous red pen,

it will appear as if I'm reading

_The Grapes of Wrath_.

But if she comes around

to look over my shoulder,

she'll catch me

staring at the photo

I've tucked into the center of the book,

the one

that Matt slipped into my pocket

last night

just before

we kissed goodbye,

where he's

standing on the beach

with rhis surfer boy smile on his lips,

the wind tossing his blond hair

everywhere,

the one that says:

"for Kitten

from a secret admirer"

inside a little heart

on the back,

the one where he looks so amazingly cute

that Mrs. Livingston might

just find herself

staring at him too,

instead of giving me detention.


End file.
